You Are Here

Life has been moving quickly. We’ve been doing the house hunt for over two months, and we finally have an accepted contract!

The whole process has been nothing but a series of ups and downs. There is nothing like the high of finding a house that could be your home if only you can get it.  There’s also nothing like the low of making a solid offer and finding out yours hasn’t been selected. It’s easy to get discouraged, but along the way there were also little blips of excitement. We were back-up offers on two houses, and both houses were slated to fall out of escrow. We crossed our fingers and prayed. The first time it didn’t pan out, but the second time it did.

I was reveling this morning about how far we’ve come, and I got so overwhelmed. My heart started pounding and my vision started to narrow. I thought, did I drink to much coffee? And maybe I had, but I knew that what I was feeling was anxiety. When I’m anxious I can’t think straight. I might have a list of ten things to do, but I can’t figure out how to prioritize them and I lack the motivation to start. When I’m anxious I want to escape, but I don’t have anywhere to go for privacy in this (currently three generational) house. When I’m anxious I feel lost, and I start to question all of my life decisions.

Nothing spectacular happened to make me overcome this anxiety. I stayed rooted to the tile in the bathroom. I stopped thinking about all the to-dos on my list. I shut my brain off from worrying about all the things in my new house that need fixing. I told myself it didn’t matter that it was nearly Rory’s nap time. I thought about what I needed in that moment. I paid attention to what my body needed. I wanted to sweat, breathe, think, and focus so I could find myself again.

I slathered on some sunblock, got dressed, grabbed water and snacks for my kid, and we headed outside for exercise. I turned on a podcast and just started pushing that stroller and walking. I knew the moment I exhaled and inhaled deeply that I was doing some much needed self-care. I don’t usually think of my walks as self-care, but today it was. I had a long list of things to do and instead I opted to take care of me above all else.  As I crossed the street, I remember thinking, you are here.

I am not asking for magic to solve my problems. I am not looking to unburden myself from my to-dos. It’s natural to lose perspective when we’re under a lot of stress. When you’re in it, your head is down, and you’re laser-focused on achieving the end goal. We just have to remember to look up every once in a while, step back, and look at the big picture. I may be mixing metaphors here, but the sentiment is the same—I want you to know that you’re doing great. You’re not lost, you are here.